Do Men Love Bitches???

If you’ve had a relationship where you’ve done all you can to do right by your man, and things still didn’t go as planned… the first phrase that’s more likely to come out of your mouth will probably be “Well men love bitches.” Because a book titled that very same phrase can be found in your local book stores, women feel inclined to think that yes, men do love bitches.

When I asked a few men their thoughts on whether they would date a bitch or not, funny enough I found that men who hold high professional positions such as financiers and attorneys tend to be attracted to the domineering sort of female who carries the title of a “bitch.” Are these relationships the healthiest? Not so much. These men are looking to fill a certain kind of role in their lives. These are men that are socially considered strong, yet undercover, enjoy the emasculating process… hence their love for “The Bitch.”

Men who are secure with themselves, seemed to be attracted to the kind of women who has no problem being herself. The kind of women that can stand independently. The woman that chooses to be with them, but doesn’t need them.

A few weeks back, I mentioned that men are predators in search of their preys. Therefore if a woman is confident and realizes that she doesn’t need the man… he will be more inclined to want that prey versus any other.

As stated by Doménico Cieri Estrada, “To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship”. So whether you’re the no non-sense kinda women, or the wholesome type that’ll ride out a situation, or the one foot in-one foot out till your sure kind of chick, don’t try faking the funk. Be true to who you are, and remain independent so you can gage when to go away or come closer. Mr. Right will love, accept and cherish you for you. With Mr. Right now you’ll have to put up a front, and in the end, the truth always comes out.

 

“I saw the sign… and it opened up my eyes”

As much as we want to make the connection with that special someone, If we see signs or flags being waved, turning a blind eye is not the thing to do. I’m not saying run at the sight of the first flag wave, but definitely take a mental note of what you see and assess what it means. It’s easy for women to over analyze and over think things, but it’s also more common for them to stay in a situation that isn’t right just because they’ve put in the time so they deal with the crimes. Let’s look at some scenarios of what Mr. right and Mr. right now would do and how to take note of a wave.

What Mr. Right would do:

            You just started dating a new man. It had been less than a month. Your birthday comes up and you gather some friends for dinner to celebrate, and decide to invite the object of your affection. Mr. Right, not knowing your friends or you in actuality, not only shows up, but throughout the night stays by your side and makes an attempt to genuinely get to know your friends.

What Mr. Right now would do:

            You decide to throw a party. All you can do is talk to your friends about how excited you are to have them finally meet the object of your affections. He tells you he’ll be there a little later in the night because he has a prior engagement. Hours into the night, no sign of him. You call his cell… no answer. You text…still no answer. End result he never shows up.

            Mr. Right put you & your interests first because a man is out to appease the woman he wants, but Mr. Right now waved the flag labeled “your not important enough to me to appease.” Don’t take it personal… “He’s just not that into you” and that’s ok… when you see a flag, recognize it, and if you see enough… then you know what’s up.  

PART II- "I Just Wanted To Be Sure of You" A.A. Milne

Anywhere you go on this planet, women are perceived to be caregivers, and nurturers to their men, but what a lot of us forget is that much like our time, our affections are a precious commodity that should also only be made available to the best man in the race (and yes, in a city like this, everything is a rat race).

Your affections and heart should be warranted to the kind of man who’s eyes see you and only you in a room full of people. The man who takes that extra step to make not only you comfortable in any given situation, but also your entourage, whether it be your family, friends, etc. When a man becomes selfless, when he sets his eye on the grand finale and has named you his prize, that’s when you know you stand before the man who deserves your affections.

Point and Case; The story of Mr. X Vs. Mr. Z

Once long ago, a girl was smitten by a fella named Mr. X, with absolutely no good reason. This Cinderella and Mr. X barely saw one another, and their communication was lacking to say the least. While they only lived 20 minutes from one another, the two worked the same hours and schedules, yet only managed to see each other once every few weeks at best. While Cinderella obligingly excused this obstacle, Mr X’s reasoning were a repetitive “I’m sorry I don’t have time at the moment” OR “Once this is over or that’s over, I’ll prioritize our time together.” Ummm Negative…. If his calendar reveals when you’ll become a priority, don’t just walk away, run like your stepping on lava.  As prophesized by Greg Behrendt, Mr. X “is just not that into you”

Mr. Z on the other hand, was a 9-6 kinda guy who dated a Cinderella who worked as a cocktail waitress, which means at best she was out of work at 1 am. So while these two had bipolar schedules, one would think this relationship would never work right… Wrong!

Mr. Z was really and truly into Cinderella, and showed her how much by, what he did for her. Every night she worked. Mr. Z would nap early and wake up at 11:30 p.m. He would drive to pick her up by 1 a.m, just so they could spend that short period of time together.

Hands down Mr. Z proved to be a worthy guy through that one action. 

On the other hand, somewhere along the line between Mr.X and Cinderella the role of prey and predator was lost in translation.  A man will move mountains to be with the woman he wants, and if he doesn’t… I need not say more...

"I just wanted to be sure of you" A.A. Milne

"Pooh!" he whispered.  "Yes, Piglet?"  "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.  "I just wanted to be sure of you."  ~A.A. Milne

Last week I wrote of love being all around us and being open to the possibilities of giving it more frequently than just one day a year, because at the end of the day, everyone has the same angle, we are all trying to find our better half. So for the single folks out there, before rushing to make just anybody yours, you should be absolutely sure that they are worthy to be considered a somebody, and not just another nobody.  But in a city like NYC where time, much like the people, never stops moving… how do you weed out the true from the faux?

In 2009, a study was done which revealed that for every single guy in NYC, there are 100,000 single women (including kouger activity and such). Another report the same year calculated the single male to single female ratio to 210,000. Who knows which is the most accurate but rest assured, it’s in the 6 figures, which means men have their pick of the pool.  So what’s a girl to do in a sea where there are plenty of fish? Only one choice, set yourself apart. Put a value on your time, and label it as a precious commodity that should be earned. If you’re conservative with it, and let him earn it, it’s the only way you can be sure he values you.

The test of time always tells you the true holds, while the faux folds. Men have and will always play the age old game of Predator and Prey. They want to feel like they won the grand prize, because what fun is it for a predator to be handed his prey when the chase is the best part? Truth is even when they win the chase, they still want to feel like…

"Pooh!" he whispered.  "Yes, Piglet?"  "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.  "I just wanted to be sure of you."  ~A.A. Milne

"Take away love, and our earth is a tomb." --Robert Browning

First off let me thank everyone for checking in to read the very 1^st blog ever of Lovelution, and what better day to launch the blog of love on the day of love. Make no mistake about it, I’m no fool and I fully understand this day like most holidays is but a marketing stint to boost retail sales and our economy.  So while we are discussing my beliefs, another thing I believe in is love, strongly and whole heartedly, and if Valentine’s day stands for taking the day to celebrate it, than I’m in it. Love is the most organic, effortless, positive human emotion. It’s all around us and should be habitually celebrated.

In a city where people are too busy to look for love let alone celebrate it on a daily basis, why not start at the basics. Start it today, V-day and expand from it.  If you’re in a relationship, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or just started dating someone who’s got potential, make them your valentine.

Gents reading, show her how highly you esteem her, make this day hers. Take her on a date, surprise her with a heartfelt gift that shows you cared enough to make this day hers.  I’m not saying buy the whole jewelry floor at Tiffany’s, but give what you can, because that’s what love is about… giving. If your single, and you don’t foresee yourself having a valentine’s to call your own, solution to your problem…. Go out and get one.

Love is all around us and comes in all shapes and forms, romantic, platonic, unconditional so ask your mom or dad to be your valentine, your brother or sister, your best friend. I say celebrate it as a day to say “Hey Ma just want to let you know on this day, I love you” or “Roomie, I love you, and thanks for listening to me bitch and moan about the scrubs I’ve been dating this year.” If you have a beat in your heart, than you’ve got love, and its there to be given. If not for the sake of your loved one’s, than for yours.  

"Take away love, and our earth is a tomb." --Robert Browning